News just in:
After England’s trouncing at the hands of our Royal Family’s ancestors, the FA have decided to dissolve the England team so the English public do not have to suffer the abject humiliation and embarrassment we have had to endure ever again.
The FA is changing tack and becoming a sofa retailer, Capello is going back to his previous job selling fruit and veg in a Napoli market, and the entire England squad have applied for South African citizenship rather than bother coming back to Blighty.
It is my sincere hope that virtually all of the culprits of the 2010 debacle hang up their jerseys and pledge to retire from international football as they patently lack the guile and creativity to perform at this level.
The quality of the Premier league is frequently talked about as being the best in the world. If this is so, it is clearly as a result of the amount of foreign players plying their trade over here and nothing to do with the ragtag bunch of inept, lazy and cowardly cretins that represented our nation. The very least they should do is man for man apologise to the nation.
Our only hope is to send all our first born sons from here on in to South America to learn how to play the beautiful game. Once they have mastered the arts of: passing, shooting, tackling, controlling the ball in less than two touches, crossing the ball, heading and saving the ball, they may come home and pull on an England jersey.
On a positive note, I thought Germany were fantastic and completely played us off the park. Irrespective of whether Frank Lampard’s goal had been given, Germany were the worthy winners having done something our boys failed so dismally to do – play football.
Out of the 23 man squad here are the ones who should sleep with the fishes:
ROBERT GREEN
DAVID JAMES
JAMIE CARRAGHER
ASHLEY COLE
GLEN JOHNSON
MATTHEW UPSON
JOHN TERRY
GARETH BARRY
STEVEN GERRARD
FRANK LAMPARD
AARON LENNON
EMILE HESKEY
WAYNE ROONEY
JERMAINE DEFOE
FABIO CAPELLO
And here are the ones who can sleep with whoever they want.
JOE HART
MICHAEL DAWSON
LEDLEY KING
STEPHEN WARNOCK
MICHAEL CARRICK
JAMES MILNER
JOE COLE
SWP
PETER CROUCH
David Milligan-Croft
