Afghan Stan radio sketch
© David Milligan-Croft
SOLDIER: Sarge, can you take a look at my rifle. It doesn’t seem to be working.
SARGE: Give it here, son. What’s the matter with it?
SOLDIER: Well, it doesn’t seem to have a trigger.
SARGE: No trigger?
SOLDIER: Or a barrel for that matter. Or a stock, magazine or bullets.
SARGE: That’s because it’s a stick, Private.
SOLDIER: Yes, Sarge, I can see that. Just wondered how we were supposed to fight the Taliban with it.
SARGE: Use your imagination lad! Like this, (makes child-like shooting noises) terrreerr, p-koo, p-koo, cherrreerrrerrrr.
SARGE: P-yowng, p-koo… Yes, Laddy?
SOLDIER: Can I get a transfer to the RAF?
SARGE: Ask over there by that Apache Attack Helicopter.
SOLDIER: Sarge? That’s an ice cream van.
SARGE: K-poo, k-poo, p-yowng, (FADE)
SFX: TEDDY BEAR’S PICNIC.