England to dissolve national team

News just in:

After England’s trouncing at the hands of our Royal Family’s ancestors, the FA have decided to dissolve the England team so the English public do not have to suffer the abject humiliation and embarrassment we have had to endure ever again.

The FA is changing tack and becoming a sofa retailer, Capello is going back to his previous job selling fruit and veg in a Napoli market, and the entire England squad have applied for South African citizenship rather than bother coming back to Blighty.

It is my sincere hope that virtually all of the  culprits of the 2010 debacle hang up their jerseys and pledge to retire from international football as they patently lack the guile and creativity to perform at this level.

The quality of the Premier league is frequently talked about as being the best in the world. If this is so, it is clearly as a result of the amount of foreign players plying their trade over here and nothing to do with the ragtag bunch of inept, lazy and cowardly cretins that represented our nation. The very least they should do is man for man apologise to the nation.

Our only hope is to send all our first born sons from here on in to South America to learn how to play the beautiful game. Once they have mastered the arts of: passing, shooting, tackling, controlling the ball in less than two touches, crossing the ball, heading and saving the ball, they may come home and pull on an England jersey.

On a positive note, I thought Germany were fantastic and completely played us off the park. Irrespective of whether Frank Lampard’s goal had been given, Germany were the worthy winners having done something our boys failed so dismally to do – play football.

Out of the 23 man squad here are the ones who should sleep with the fishes:

ROBERT GREEN

DAVID JAMES

JAMIE CARRAGHER

ASHLEY COLE

GLEN JOHNSON

MATTHEW UPSON

JOHN TERRY

GARETH BARRY

STEVEN GERRARD

FRANK LAMPARD

AARON LENNON

EMILE HESKEY

WAYNE ROONEY

JERMAINE DEFOE

FABIO CAPELLO

And here are the ones who can sleep with whoever they want.

JOE HART

MICHAEL DAWSON

LEDLEY KING

STEPHEN WARNOCK

MICHAEL CARRICK

JAMES MILNER

JOE COLE

SWP

PETER CROUCH

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