Sexist Haiku

It’s been a while since I posted any poetry what with all my ramblings about TV advertising and the creation of the universe.

So, not in the spirit of traditional haiku, I thought I’d write a couple of sexist ones. One for the boys and one for the girls.

For the boys:

The trouble with girls

Is once you go steady, they

Get really fatty.


And, for the girls:

The trouble with boys

Is once you go steady, they

Think you’re their Mummy.


Now, to be fair, (and factual), my missus doesn’t fall into this chubby stereotype as she’s as skinny as a beanpole. (And I mean that in a nice way, as I love beanpoles. And my wife.) In fact, it’s me who’s let themselves go. It’s depressing when your waist measurement is actually a larger number than your inside leg measurement.

In fact, since getting married, I’ve become a veritable tubbygutbucket. But I don’t care. I’m on the gravy train, and it isn’t Bisto gravy granules. It’s proper gravy made from the hot dripping fat of a roasting pig’s carcass.

That said, my middle-aged self-indulgence might come back to haunt me when it’s time to meet the maker. Trying to sneak in through the ‘Angel flap’ in the Pearly Gates and Gabriel saying: Jeez, those Angels are really letting themselves go. And Jesus saying: Will you stop calling me Jeez, it sounds really patronizing.

Which all leads me, rather clunkily, round to…

When your belly is bigger,

Than your inside leg,

It’s time to stop eating

Breakfast in Gregg’s*.

 

*Gregg’s – bakery chain that sells pies and pasties.

 


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3 Comments

Filed under Art, Books, Haiku, Poetry, Writing

3 responses to “Sexist Haiku

  1. I enjoy your haiku… Thank you, brought a smile 🙂
    Peace to you,
    Laz

  2. Cat

    For some reason reading your haikus brought to mind this poem by the formidable Dorothy Parker…

    Unfortunate Coincidence

    By the time you swear you’re his,
    Shivering and sighing,
    And he vows his passion is
    Infinite, undying –
    Lady make a note of this:
    One of you is lying.

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