Meanwhile, back at UN headquarters…

CONCIERGE: Good evening, may I see your invitation?

Hmm, we don’t appear to have you on the list.

Ah, here it is, number 194 – Palestine?

New here, are you?

Jolly good.

Do you have err…

…it’s, ahem, customary to bring a gift.

You know, as a gesture of good will.

Call it a donation for joining the “club”.

Oh, I don’t know, anything.

Do you have any oil?

Oil’s usually a good opening gambit. Great for a gaining an ally or two. I could do you a U.S. aircraft carrier if you’ve got any lying about the place.

I see. No matter.

Gold? Gold always goes down well with our American friends. They do love a bit of bling. I can get you a convoy of Humvees for a goldmine?

Nope. Okey-dokey.

How about minerals? Cassiterite? Wolframite? Coltan? For some Apache attack helicopters.

Just a few AK-47s and some novelty shemaghs, with… wait, what’s this? Ooh, look –  a cutesy little picture of Yasser Arafat saying “In your face Israel.”

I suppose they’ll have to do. Put them over there next to those Syrian RPGs.

Just keep quiet and take a seat at the back, next to Egypt and Libya.

Next…

…ahh, the Democratic Republic of Congo. Usual table, Sir?

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