11% pay rise for MPs? – Vote Dave!

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that the independent body, IPSA, has recommended an 11% pay rise for MPs. This will take their salaries from a paltry £66k to just over £74k per annum.

What galls most people is the timing. In a time of such severe austerity and when the national average pay rise is 1%. While, in reality, many people have taken pay cuts and had their workloads increased.

To be fair, most politicians seem against it as well. And IPSA’s reasoning for such a gargantuan rise is to bring MPs in line with Head Teachers, Chief Superintendents and Senior Civil Servants.

With that kind of moolah on offer I’m thinking of standing for parliament myself, as an independent.

I haven’t quite got my manifesto worked out in detail, but here are the headlines:

1. Free education for all. (Including uni.)

2. Free healthcare for all.

3. World peace.

4. More rozzers, doctors and nurses.

5. Less guns and bombs.

6. Less fighting other countries.

7. Life imprisonment for rapists.

8. More wind farms.

9. No nuclear power.

10. More tax for big businesses.

11. More tax for rich people.

12. Less tax for poorer people.

13. More investment in arts and creativity.

14.  More public holidays. (One for Nelson Mandela lest we forget how to behave as politicians.)

15. Leeds United to be automatically promoted to Premier League.

16. A ban on advertising to children.

17. Red wine to be reclassified as medication for over 48s.

18. Legalise drugs and tax profits.

19. Each school to have at least one monkey.

20. Abolition of the monarchy.

21. A bit of bird for anyone proven to be at fault for the banking crisis.

22. Young offenders to have to cut old people’s grass.

23. Print loads more money.

I’ve yet to cross the I’s and dot the Ts, but it’s taking shape and should be fairer all round. Unless, you’re Google, Starbucks or Amazon. In which case, you’re in deep doodah.

I also need a campaign slogan. I was thinking something along the lines of:

Cop yourselves on, Vote Dave.

Or, Vote Dave. It’ll be a bit o’ craic.

Any suggestions gratefully accepted.

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So, next general election, do the right thing and Vote Dave!

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