Tag Archives: humour

Happy [insert occaison here] Day


Introducing There Is No Cavalry greeting cards.

Something for every occasion. (Because they’re all blank inside, so you can write what the hell you like.)

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What’s the difference between you and Moon Pig?

Some would say, nothing physically.

Others might say that my greetings cards are that little bit more special because they are uniquely hand painted by moi.

And why are you telling me this?

Because I want to give them to you.

Well, when I say ‘give’, I mean give them to you in exchange for money.

That’s right, it’s your once-in-a-lifetime chance to own one of these rare and original works of art. (Maybe twice-in-a-lifetime if this batch sells well.)

So, what have you got?

I have A5 and A6. Which if you don’t know what size they are, A5 is half the size of A4 and A6 is half the size of A5. A3 is twice the size of A4 and A2 (which is pretty big) is twice the size of A3, but that doesn’t matter, because I don’t have any A3 or A2 cards. That would be ridiculous. (Don’t get me started on A0.)

Yeah, but what are they pictures of? They look a bit funny to me.

That’s because they’re abstract landscapes. At least, that’s what I’m calling them.

I potter about the Peak District and Yorkshire Dales quite a lot and they’re impressions of the shapes, textures, colours and light of the landscape.

Then there are also a couple of Japanese-style watercolours, like this…

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I couldn’t possibly afford a once-in-a-lifetime, unique, hand painted card by David Milligan-Croft, could I?

Probably not.

Hold your horses. Let’s not be too darn hasty there, pardner. How much are these pesky little critters?

Since when did you become a cowboy?

Sorry. How much are they?

That’s better. £3.00 each for the A6 and £4.00 each for the A5.

That’s ludicrous! You’re practically giving away these once-in-a-lifetime, hand painted, unique cards, by soon-to-be-famous artist, David Milligan-Croft for nothing!

I know. I’ve not been well.

Where do I sign?

You don’t. You message me which one/s you want, pay into my paypal.me/dmcroft  account, and I pop them in the post to you. But I’ll need to work out postage first depending on where you live, so don’t put any money in just yet. (Unless you just want to make a huge donation.) I’ve put a postage guide at the bottom of the page, but I don’t imagine it will be more than 1 or 2 pounds.

I couldn’t possibly send this to someone else, it’s too unique!

Stick it in a frame then.

Great idea. What if I want a bigger one? I have a portrait of the ex that I quite like the frame of.

I’ll do you a bespoke one if you like. Just let me know which card you like the style of and the size. Obviously, it won’t be an exact copy, it’ll be…

Unique!

That’s right.

Just scroll down to sample my wares and if you’re interested either message me below or email me at thereisnocavalry@icloud.com for details.

Toodle-pip.

 

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1. Watercolour and inktense, A6.

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2. Watercolour, A6.

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3. Watercolour and inktense, A6.

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4. Watercolour, A6.

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5. Wayercolour & inktense, A6.

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6. Acrylic, A6.

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7. Acrylic, A6.

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8. Inktense, A6.

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9. Watercolour, A6.

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10. Watercolour & inktense, A6.

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11. Watercolour & inktense, A5.

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12. Watercolour & inktense, A5.

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13. Watercolour, A5.

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14. Watercolour, A5.

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15. Watercolour, A5.

This last one is slightly different as it’s an A5 black and white print, so I can do as many as you like. What shall we say for this one? [scratches head] Two quid each. They might be prints, but they’re still unique. 🙂

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16. Black & white print, ink on paper, A5.

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In the not too distant future I’m going to be doing a series of landscape photography postcards of my meanderings around the Peak District and Yorkshire Dales.

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Army Men Around the House.


I love these little set ups by Gareth McGorman, called Army Men Around the House.

Yes, I’ve seen figurines used this way before. I’m thinking of farmhands chopping up florets of broccoli, that sort of thing.

But, I just find these quite amusing. Perhaps it’s something to do with the fact that I used to play with toy soldiers as a child. (Much to the consternation of our cat.)

Gareth hails from Toronto, Canada and I first came across him on Instagram. I can’t find a website for him, but I’ll post a couple of links to his work under the shots.

Enjoy.

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Links:

https://www.instagram.com/armymenaroundthehouse/

https://www.facebook.com/armymenaroundthehouse/

Gareth McGorman

 

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A bit o’ levity to end/start the week.


Well, I’ve nowt to tell you, so here are some jokey cards.

If we’re pals on Facebook you’ve probably seen most of them before.

Have a good week, folks.

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Novels for which I am grateful #195-230


Writers feature quite a lot in my Things to be grateful for. So far, most of them have been poets.

But, if I were to be stuck on a Pacific island with Bear Grylls and a camera crew, with only stagnant water to drink and feisty looking caymans to nibble on, I’d make sure I packed my rucksack with a few decent novels. And a Glock 10mm. (So I could shoot and eat the camera crew, not the caymans.) ((I’d hang on to Bear to make a fire.))

I’m not saying these are the greatest novels in the world, but they mean a lot to me and I’m grateful to the writers for having shared them. Obviously, there are a lot of classics not featured here. Some I’ve probably read, others I definitely haven’t.

As there are quite a lot, (I did try to limit it to my top 10, but that was impossible), I’m not going to write synopses for them. You’ll have to take my word for it and, if any tickle your fancy, check them out on Amazon, (or the retailer of your choice).

Some common themes on show are: love, death, war, history, humour, satire, loss and hope. Not to mention some great writing.

They should keep me going ’til the rescue ship arrives. Now, where’s that cameraman…

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Punic Wars trilogy

Punic Wars trilogy

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birdsong

alc

bliss

bones

EP2

fug

gof

hav

Technically a poem rather than a novel.

Technically a poem rather than a novel.

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KES

MANDO

PASS

PERF

PROULX

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SLAUG

the-goldfinch

TRUMAN

butch

 

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Whoa! How did that get in there?

Whoa! How did that get in there? 🙂

Damn, almost forgot this one. (This is going to go on and on.)

Damn, almost forgot this one. (This is going to go on and on.)

Sorry, but I have to add a few more. Still, if the rucksack aint big enough, I’ll have to take a Kindle.

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Old-Man-and-the-Sea

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Today’s Haiku


Platinum wedding

Ring for sale. A few scratches.

One careless owner.

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