This is the first in a series of children’s stories about the adventures of Princess Stinky Trumps and her little sister, Princess Bogie Face.
I’ve done a couple of preliminary character sketches for both princesses but would be keen to talk to any illustrators out there who’d be interested in collaborating on the project. (As illustration isn’t my strong point.)
I’d also like any criticism / feedback about what people think of the story. I see it aimed at children between the ages of 3 and 8. I say that, because my daughters and 4 and 6 and they like it.
Princess Stinky Trumps
Princess Bogie Face
The Adventures of Princess Stinky Trumps.
© David Milligan-Croft.
Princess Stinky Trumps is just like any other little girl: sheʼs very cute, very cheeky and she does the stinkiest trumps in the entire universe.
Princess Stinky Trumpsʼ favourite food is – you guessed it – beans on toast. She canʼt get enough of the stuff. She has beans on toast for breakfast, beans on toast for lunch and beans on toast for dinner.
And for supper she has a Brussels sprout sandwich with extra boiled cabbage. Itʼs her poor teddy bears I feel sorry for. They donʼt get a wink of sleep with old Stinky Trumps letting off bottom burps all night.
Princess Stinky Trumps has a naughty little sister called Princess Bogie Face who is always getting up to mischief of one kind or another. If she isnʼt wiping snot on Aunt Sweaty Toesʼ dress, sheʼs flicking greenies at Grandma Burpabit while she has a nap in her rocking chair.
Princess Stinky Trumps likes to do all the things other “normal” little girls do. She likes playing with her dolls, she likes riding her bike, she likes gluing and sticking, she likes going to the park, she likes cuddling up to her little sister on cold winter nights then letting off a right stinker before sneaking into her own bed.
But most of all she likes going on a good old adventure…
PRINCESS STINKY TRUMPS AND THE BOGIE PINCHING WITCH.
Princess Stinky Trumps lives in a beautiful pink palace on the top of a high mountain made entirely of chocolate.
She lives with her little sister, Princess Bogie Face. Her mummy, Queen du Shoppe and her daddy, King Henry Putupwithalot. Or, King Daddy, for short.
She likes to stand out on the balcony and look down at the sparkling lake at the foot of the mountain surrounded by a forest of pink and white cherry blossom trees.
On this particular day, she was leaning over the balcony trying to break a piece of chocolate off the mountain when she spotted her little sister, Princess Bogie Face, on the back of a witchʼs broomstick.
“Sheʼs being bogie-napped!” shouted Princess Stinky Trumps.
But there was no one there to hear her cries for help. Queen du Shoppe was at the shopping mall and King Daddy was vacuuming the palace stairs.
So, quick as a flash, she called for her faithful pink unicorn pegasus thing-a-mi-bob and leapt into the saddle.
“Follow that witch, Cornpeg!” she shouted. And off they flew down the side of the mountain.
She called her Cornpeg because she was part UniCORN and part PEGasus which is a horse with wings.
Cornpeg swooped down the sheer cliff face with Princess Stinky Trumps hanging on to her pink mane for dear life.
They skimmed the surface of the lake and headed into the forest.
“Hurry, Cornpeg, weʼre losing them!” she cried as the witch and Princess Bogie Face disappeared into the thick undergrowth.
“I think this calls for a bit of turbo-charge,” she said as she lifted her bottom out of the saddle and let out an enormous trump: Phrrraaaarrrap apa papp prruuuup phtz.
“Follow that trail of snot!” she shouted to Cornpeg. And off they shot at almost the speed of light, swerving this way and that trying to avoid trees and branches and the occasional bee hive.
Suddenly, they happened upon a clearing in the middle of the forest where a quaint little cottage sat all alone.
“Whoa, Cornpeg,” The Princess whispered.
Princess Stinky Trumps sneaked through the long grass up to the side window of the cottage and peeked inside.
There was her little sister in a cage suspended above a giant bubbling cauldron.
The witch had her back to the window and was busy putting frogs, slugs, snails, worms and cheese into the stew.
“Your snot will make the perfect final ingredient for my Stew a la Bogie,” cackled the witch.
“Oh no,” Princess Stinky Trumps sighed. “Sheʼs going to turn my little sister into stew! Itʼll taste disgusting with all that cheese in it.”
She leaned her back up against the wall and thought as hard as she could.
“Hmm, what to do, Cornpeg?” The Princess pondered. “I know!”
She climbed onto Cornpegʼs back and pulled herself up onto the roof. Clambering up the tiles, she accidentally knocked one off which slid down and landed on Cornpegʼs nose, much to her irritation.
Once at the top, she sat on top of the chimney and, with an almighty squeeze, she let out the biggest trump she had ever done in her life: Pwwwoooooaaaaarrrrrpppapapppapauuuuuurrrrrrrrbuppabuppaprrasspppperfffeeeeeet!
When Princess Bogie Face heard the trump, she knew at once that it was her big sister who had come to rescue her. So, quick as a flash, she stuck a pinky up her nose and pulled out the longest, slimiest trail of snot you have ever seen in your life. And she flicked it through the bars of the cage onto the floor behind of the witch.
The force of the trump, along with the slippery, snotty floor were enough to blow the witch across the tiles and out of the door.
Cornpeg was waiting outside to give her a little boot up the backside and send her flying down the wishing well never to be seen, or heard of, again.
“Nice one, Cornpeg!” shouted the Princess from the roof.
Princess Stinky Trumps gingerly climbed down from the roof and went inside the cottage to set her baby sister free.
“Well, excuuuuuse you,” Princess Bogie Face said.
They hugged each other tightly, but didnʼt hang around too long as the place was absolutely stinking!
They jumped on Cornpegʼs back and flew back to the pink palace on top of chocolate mountain.
When they got home, King Daddy was on his hands and knees scrubbing the courtyard cobbles.
“Oh, hello, my little darlings,” he said cheerily. “What have you two little scamps been up to?”
They slid down off Cornpegʼs back and began to tell King Daddy their tale. “Well it all started when a wicked witch kidnapped Bogie Face…” Princess Stinky Trumps began.
“Now, now, Martha,” said King Daddy “What have I told you about calling Flora, Princess Bogie Face?”
“Sorrrreee, Daddy,” said Princess Stinky Trumps.
“What’s for dinner, Daddy?” asked Princess Bogie Face. “I’ve got a hankering for some stew.”
“Well, I thought we might have cannellini beans in a rich tomato sauce on a baked ciabatta.”
“You mean beans on toast don’t you, Daddy?” said Princess Stinky Trumps.
“Yes, dear, beans on toast.”
“Yippeee!” the two princesses exclaimed.
Look out for Princess Stinky Trumps’ next big adventure where she, and her little sister, battle fire breathing kittens and monkey-munching wizards.