Afghan Stan

Afghan Stan radio sketch

© David Milligan-Croft

SOLDIER:    Sarge, can you take a look at my rifle. It doesn’t seem to be working.

SARGE:        Give it here, son. What’s the matter with it?

SOLDIER:    Well, it doesn’t seem to have a trigger.

SARGE:        No trigger?

SOLDIER:    Or a barrel for that matter. Or a stock, magazine or bullets.

SARGE:        That’s because it’s a stick, Private.

SOLDIER:    Yes, Sarge, I can see that. Just wondered how we were supposed to fight the Taliban with it.

SARGE:        Use your imagination lad! Like this, (makes child-like shooting noises) terrreerr, p-koo, p-koo, cherrreerrrerrrr.

SOLDIER:     Sarge?

SARGE:          P-yowng, p-koo… Yes, Laddy?

SOLDIER:      Can I get a transfer to the RAF?

SARGE:           Ask over there by that Apache Attack Helicopter.

SOLDIER:       Sarge? That’s an ice cream van.

SARGE:           K-poo, k-poo, p-yowng, (FADE)

SFX:                 TEDDY BEAR’S PICNIC.