Tag Archives: religion

The Gospel According to Dave.


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There’s been a lot of negativity flying about of late, what with the fat orange fella sticking his size nines in everything.

Protests, riots, building walls, burning bridges, immigration bans, failed black ops missions. There’s something new to roll your eyes at every day. It’s unsurprising then, that people all over the world are up in arms, (literally and metaphorically), by the Cheeto Chompin’ Chimp’s actions.

It’s not just affecting America. He’s threatening the stability of the entire globe.

With that in mind, I thought it about time we had a set of moral values to live by. Sort of a set of rules, or a code. Commandments, if you will. (I don’t know why anybody hasn’t thought of it before.)

So, here is The Gospel According to Dave.

There are 10 commandments with which to adhere.

First. Thou shalt not kill or hurt anyone.

This applies not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically or spiritually.

Two. Thou shalt not steal.

Actually, if you steal from someone you’re probably hurting them emotionally and psychologically, so I reckon it’s covered in the above.

New, number two. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s Merc. Or his gaff, or his 42″ plasma screen.

Come to think of it, if you’re envious about what someone else has  you’re only hurting yourself. So, scrub this one as well.

Numero dois. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s missus. (Or ‘mister’ depending on your sexual orientation.)

As above.

New, new, 2nd Commandment. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Why? ‘Cause at least one of the triumvirate is undoubtedly going to get hurt. In all likelihood, all three of you will suffer at some stage. So, again, covered in number one.

Two, (again). Thou shalt not bear false witness.

E.g. Don’t be a lying little get. It’s bad for you and it’s bad for the person you’re lying about. And you invariably get caught out in the end. Number one probably covers this. (A fib is okay. Especially if it stops someone’s feelings getting hurt.)

Secondo.  Honour thy father and thy mother.

I reckon your mam would be well upset if she thought you didn’t love her. Having said that, it doesn’t give them the right to mistreat you either. So, as long as they abide by the first commandment, you should abide by it too… no wait, I think we can shoehorn this under number one.

Deux. Thou shalt keep the sabbath holy.

I’m all up for a day off work. Tough one this, as you don’t want to hurt God’s feelings. But, what with shops open 24/7 it’s tricky for some folks. They have to work when the boss tells them or lose their job. I reckon if you take at least one day off a week we should have a bit of wiggle room here. But, at the end of the day, (or week ha ha), it’s covered in the first commandment.

Numero Due. Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain.

Jesus wept. Bit petty. Then again, if it hurts His feelings, I reckon you should abide by the first commandment and you should be okay.

Zwei. Thou shalt have no other God but me.

Wooooh, get you.

That’s Hindus screwed then.

Look, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass whether you’re a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Sikh, a Buddhist or a follower of another religion. Heck, it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in any of them. I’m sure, if you stick by the first principle every one should get along just fine.

So, just to recap, the First and only Commandment is: Thou shalt not kill or hurt anyone.

Subclause: either physically, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually.

Hang on a minute… I reckon we can shorten this a tad. I’m pretty sure that killing someone would involve hurting them a bit. Well, if not them, their family and friends, so we can delete that bit.

The Gospel According to Dave (second draft):

Thou shalt not hurt anyone*.

Or, as my mate Kev says – Don’t be a dick.

Oh, and if you’re wondering who the woman in the photo is, that’s my Auntie Mavis. She likes a drop of sherry at Christmas.

*Does not apply to Donald Trump.

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365 things I am grateful for #31


Well, one month down, eleven to go. I’ve enjoyed it so far, hope you have too.

My intention for these posts is to highlight just how fortunate I think I am compared to many people around the world and write a gratitude each day. Although we all have our fair share of trials and tribulations to face, whether they be financial, emotional, physical, spiritual or something else, most of us are very lucky indeed.

Should that stop us being ambitious? No.

Should it make us apathetic and resigned to our lot in the world? No, it shouldn’t.

Should it make us stand by while there is injustice in the world? Most definitely not.

But we can still strive for our dreams whilst being grateful for the things we often take for granted.

So, for the day that’s in it, I think I’ll share something Chinese with you.

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The Tao Te Ching, by Lao Tzu is a philosophical, (and religious), view of the universe. The Tao, (pronounced Dao), means The Way. Lao Tzu decided he’d had enough of society and headed out into the world in about 600 BC.

I’m not a Taoist in the religious sense, but there are a lot of pearls of wisdom in his teachings. The Tao is the ultimate creative principle of the universe. All things are unified and connected in the Tao. The principle of Yin Yang sees the world as filled with complementary forces – action and non-action, light and dark, hot and cold, life and death, etc. The Tao isn’t a god but a way of life. Basically, being in harmony with the universe. (To me, it looks a lot like Buddhism.)

In fact, I bet you’ve come across many of Lao Tzu’s teachings as a lot of them are in common parlance today, such as – A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

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Even if you practice your own religion, it’s worth a read from a philosophical point of view.

On that note, Kung Hei Fat Choy, everyone!

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I’m a bigot, get me out of here!


I’M A BIGOT, GET ME OUT OF HERE!

© David Milligan-Croft

A reality tv series.

Premise:
14 contestants on a desert island. 7 different belief systems ‘battle’ it out to see who is the most/least tolerant. The one thing they all have in common is they are all British by birth.

The contestants are made up of one male and one female from each belief system who do not know each other.

2 Christians, (one Protestant, one Catholic).
2 Muslims, (one Sunni, one Shi’ite).
2 Hindus.
2 Buddhists.
2 Sikhs.
2 Jews.
2 Atheists.

How do you win?
Like any other reality show – the public vote for the people they least like.
The two most unpopular members of the group are ‘defended’ by another group member from a different religious system who acts as their ‘attorney’.  The ‘attorney’ has to present a case why they should stay in the camp/community.

The public then vote again based on the arguments presented.

Last person standing is the winner. (The final two have to defend themselves.)

What do you win?
The coveted title of being the most religiously tolerant. And some cash for charity.

Logistics.
Two camps, one for males, one for females. To see how religious groups interact based on gender as well as beliefs.

One communal area where everyone meets to eat, socialise and participate in tasks.

Tasks:
In the first week, the group has to work together to build seven religious ‘shrines’, (one for each belief system), in order to win food for the community. (The atheists can build a bar.) In the second week they have to perform mental and physical tasks in order to win food. Voting takes place in the second week and lasts for two weeks.

Target audience.
Contestants should be young – aged between early and late twenties to appeal to the 18-34 audience.

What’s in it for the viewer?
We see just how tolerant/intolerant British society is. Challenge/acknowledge religious stereotypes.  Laugh at religious fruit cakes. Get angry at religious zealots.  Learn about different customs and religions. Become more understanding/tolerant as a nation.

Can’t really see the Beeb picking it up. But Living could go for it!

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